Friday, December 30, 2011

Infertility does not define me

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is about what defines me. What defines a person? Is it there ability to sing beautifully, is it there ability to cook, are they defined by they type of car they have, or is it by how many children they are able to bear?

There are many times as I have been pondering my inability to have children that I have viewed myself as broken or less of a person because I cannot bear children. I have told my husband that I can't believe he still loves me even though I can't give him children. I have felt like my purpose in life or all of my goals growing up revolved around getting married, getting pregnant, and having around 10 kids.

Since this is what I have told myself for years is the most important thing, it is easy to see where I have let my infertility define me. Over this journey I have come to the realization that I am not my disease! My infertility is a part of me but it is not me. I have learned and grown from infertility and it has helped shape my life but does not define who I am!

I am in charge of who I am and what I become, it is my destiny, and I know I will be a mother. Being a mother may not come the traditional way I had dreamt about but it will come and I cannot allow my infertility to stand in the way. Dwelling on what we don't have is extremely easy when it is all we want. Getting over our loss and moving towards our goal we will be able to find more joy, be more happy, and personally define our own lives how we see fit.  

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