It got to the time where we were yet again at a cross road. Did we continue on with fertility treatments or was it time to go in a different direction. About 3 years earlier I had done a lot of research as to what treatment options were out there, their cost and thought about what I would want to do if it ever got to the point where we needed to choose between those options.
If we chose the fertility route the next step would be IVF. IVF is very expensive as well as it would be very risky considering the reaction I had to the clomid the last month I was on it and because of my PCOS. The other factor is that the success rate for IVF is less the 50%. I have a hard time stomaching paying $10,000 plus for less than a 50% chance of it working.
Our other option we were facing was that of adoption. On the cost side, it would cost us about as much as it would to do IVF, there was not health risks involved, and the success rate for adoption is much higher. Some of the negative factors we had to weigh out were the fact that the wait to adopt can be very long and it completely out of our control. Another real part was the fact that I would have to give up the control on my part of not being able to carry our child in our womb, never feeling a baby kick in my belly, and never experiencing labor. Call me crazy but I always wanted to have the experience of being pregnant and going through labor, knowing that I created such a magnificent child.
Choosing between these two options was a difficult one because with both, there are so many unknown factors and so many things that are not in our control.
After much prayer we decided that it was time that we explored the option of adoption. We felt that it would be a better fit for our family and our wellbeing. Infertility treatments are hard and sometimes it is not noticeable the amount of stress it put on a relationship and your emotions.
After making this decision we were at peace about what our next steps would be. A year and a half after meeting with the fertility specialist, we found ourselves sitting in the office of our case worker with LDS family services. We had a lot of fears about what we were about to embark on and what had to be done. Our biggest fear, which I think is the fear of many, is that of rejection, that we would never be picked. AS we sat there the spirit touched our hearts telling us that we were doing the right thing and heading in the direction we were supposed to be heading.
It is at cross roads like this that I am grateful that we don’t have to choose the direction we should head by ourselves, we have another party involved and we are never alone.
One of the amazing things about adoption is that it doesn’t limit us to only adoption; someday we may give IFV a try and see what comes of it. We are not limited, it’s just the beginning.