Wisdom

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

- Reinhold Niebuhr

Food for thought

Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.

Gordon B. Hinckley 

Using your infertility

One of the things about infertility is once you have shared with others that you are having a hard time conceiving, it opens the doors for a lot of questions. People are curious about what they don’t know and if open, they may not hesitate to ask those questions.

This also opens the door to sharing your religion and beliefs with others in a way that is non-confrontational. I know for me, my faith is very much so a part of my infertility story and without my faith I would not be where I am today.

By being willing to share your story of infertility and including how faith can has helped, you can help other draw closer to Jesus Christ and understand his love for each of us.

My challenge for you, the next time you share your infertility story, don’t forget to include how your faith has helped you.

Meanderings

This week has defiantly been and interesting one. Life never ceases to amaze me! It doesn’t surprise me that there are so many different analogies about the life cycle. You have life is like a rollercoaster, the game of life, life is like a box of chocolates and so on.

Whatever analogy for life fits best for you, use it, if not make your own or stop analyzing it and just live.

Living life to its fullest potential is really what life is all about.  

Step by step.

Well positive energy is something that really takes a lot of work! One minuet you may feel as a high as a kite but then the next minuet something can shoot a hole in that kite.

Learning to patch that kite and get it flying again is sometimes very difficult. The thing to remember is that everyone’s patch is different but as long as it is applied to the hole, they kite can fly again.

What is your patch?

Never loose hope

I know I said no theme but I feel like this quote was just fitting for this week.

“My message to you today, my brothers and sisters, is simply this: the Lord is in control. He knows the end from the beginning. He has given us adequate instruction that, if followed, will see us safely through any crisis. His purposes will be fulfilled, and someday we will understand the eternal reasons for all of these events. Therefore, today we must be careful to not overreact, nor should we be caught up in extreme preparations; but what we must do is keep the commandments of God and never lose hope!”

M. Russell Ballard, “The Joy of Hope Fulfilled,” Ensign

Just whistle a happy tune

Where does happiness come from? Does it come from children? Does it come from our husbands? Does it come from success? Does it come from gospel?  I would venture to say that all these things can be huge contributors to happiness but they do not make a person happy. 

Yes children can bring great happiness but they can bring great sadness, stress and pain. Yes our husbands can help us be happy but they can also be frustrating and bring us pain. Yes happiness can come from success but success is only temporary and unless its glow tends to fade. Yes great happiness can be found by following the teachings of the gospel but it also is a lot of work and can incur much pain if we stray.

Now you may be thinking that I am being quite a downer right now so let me explain. While all of these wonderful things have their pros and their cons, all of them can help us be happy if we allow ourselves to be happy.  We can enjoy the great happiness that can be found in all of these things as long as we deep down inside want to be happy about our situation. It is so easy to focus on the negative things that are going on in our lives versus all the things that are going right.

Something that I have realized lately is that happiness really begins and ends with me. When I am truly happy it radiates from the inside out. My new goal is to really focus on the happy and positive things in my life because when I focus on those things that aren’t going right it is harder to stay motivated, be happy and ultimately enjoy life.

I want to enjoy life! I am tired of being held down by the sadness and the misery of the world. Misery loves company and I have decided that that type of company is no longer allowed in my house.

Now I hope you that I am not perfect and that this is a task that will probably take most my life to accomplish but I’m ready for the challenge because I know that when I spend my life whistling a happy tune, other whistle too and my heart aches less.

Where does your happiness come from?

Growth

It is amazing how, when the lord withholds a blessing, how he blesses us in many different areas. For example: since I got married at the age of 19 and we started trying to get pregnant shortly after that, I first of all never thought I would graduate college and secondly never thought I would ever have to use my degree. On the contrary I have done both.

I realized today though, how much working has been a blessing in my life. I have learned a lot of life lessons that I would not have learned if I would have been a mom right away. Although work is something that at times can be very difficult, because let’s face it, I would much rather be a stay at home mom, I have grown so much as an individual.

I didn’t recognize this at first and really I thought having to work was a punishment or a curse. This idea was completely wrong because the lord has used it as a refiner’s fire in my life. I now see his hand in this aspect of my life and am very grateful that he loves me so much and that he allowed me to learn and grow in ways that I would have never imagined possible.

Gratitude

Today I simply want to state how grateful I am for the things I have in my life. I have truly been blessed with so much and at times it is hard to remember that; especially when my lack of being a mother over shadows those things that I do have.

I am so grateful for my husband, my health, my job, my family, and for a father in heaven who knows what is best.

When things get down and I notice that I’m focusing on the things that I don’t have, it is amazing how much my day will turn around when I focus on what I do have instead.

What things are you grateful for?

No theme

This week is really going to be based around whatever I feel like posting about. I really don't feel like being tied down to write about one single thing this week. So these postings may be very random because I believe that when dealing with infertility our emotions are not always predictable or scripted.

Sometimes an outlet for writing what is on the mind can truly help deal with the mess that is in there. This week this blog is my outlet. Thanks in advance for bearing with me and for your support.

My Final Post for a While

My wife is a trooper for doing this everyday, something I don’t think I could do. This scripture reminds me that as long as we do all that we can in our power and continue in diligence in keeping Heavenly Father’s commandments, the Lord will bless us not necessarily with what we want but what we need at the time.

Scripture:

D & C 82:10 – “I, the Lord, am abound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no bpromise.”

Sincerely
Robert

Recharging

As I mentioned, finding a release where you can just relax and get away from stress is always a great way to forget about things you can’t control.

After I had been gone doing an internship for seven weeks, my wife and I were finally able to go camping together and do a little swimming. It was just what the doctor ordered! We were able to enjoy ourselves in nature, enjoy a lot of great food over the campfire (a lot!) and enjoy sleeping in a tent. Then, we went swimming in a lake with our dog and just…really enjoyed ourselves.

Now we’re recharged and ready to get back to life and work on how we can tackle infertility! Taking a time out can really be just what is needed to get life back on track.

sincerely

Robert

Scripture of the day

My thought today is a scripture that helps me with most situations:

Alma 34:39-41

39 Yea, and I also aexhort you, my brethren, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by thectemptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you dno good thing.

40 And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to haveapatience, and that ye bear with all manner of bafflictions; that ye do not crevile against those who do cast you out because of yourdexceeding poverty, lest ye become sinners like unto them;

41 But that ye have apatience, and bear with those bafflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions.

Taking a break

I hope I did not offend anybody from last night’s post, I really did write what I did in hopes of triggering those readers to take preventive measures.

My thought tonight is short and sweet and moves in a different direction from what I wrote last night.  Although we do need to be aware that we are not just letting things pass us by, I also know that taking things easy and taking a big breath every once in a while allows us to be able to face the day once our break is over.  

One person I heard said that when they needed to take a break, they went to Hawaii.  I’m not saying anybody needs to go to Hawaii when they feel overstressed, but I would recommend that each person find one thing in which they can relax and release the stress.

Not going through the motions

I take a good deal of my philosophies on life from what I have experienced, and a good amount of my experiences have come from my experiences with baseball either as a player or coach.


One philosophy I have is that we need to break the habit of “going-through-the-motions.” That philosophy obviously is not my philosophy and makes complete sense, but how can we break this habit?

The problem with going through the motions is time is passing by but we are not accomplishing anything positive as we do so. Therefore, finding a purpose in whatever it is we are doing makes the difference and brings an eventual purpose to life. For example, when a baseball player is hitting a ball off a tee over and over with the same poor hitting mechanics and not attempting to achieve a result, that player is wasting his time. In the same way, if all we worry about and dwell on every day is how infertility is what is stopping us from having children instead of using that knowledge to help us find a solution (whatever that may be), then we in turn are also wasting our time.

I am not saying that all readers are just “going-through-the-motions,” my feeling and hope is making all aware of this “disease” will prevent all from falling into this rut.

Sincerely
Robert

What the Lord Wants

I have been able to recently reflect over my lifetime and recognize that Heavenly Father has a hand in my life…better yet He leads me along the path in my life.

To understand that idea is paramount to help me understand that what I want does not really matter, what does matter is what Heavenly Father wants not just for me but for everybody. Let me explain. When it comes to wanting to have children, or getting the perfect job, or being able to afford the perfect house or car, those things don’t really matter. Of course Heavenly Father wants us to have children, and he understands that we need a job, house and car in this life for the most part.

What we need to realize is that Heavenly Father has a plan for ALL of us and He wants us to be happy and have our own families while at the same time being one large family. Heavenly Father has this plan for us all because He wants all of us to be one big family with Him.

If we can understand this principle, then we can get to the point in which we ask in our prayers not for what we want or need but that we can be able to fulfill what He wants or needs from us as instruments in His hands.

To think this way isn’t easy because we are human, but the more we can think and believe in such a way, the happier we will be and understand that there is a reason we are going through what we’re going through.

Sincerely,

Robert

A Husband’s View

Although I can only imagine that dealing with infertility is difficult for the wife and can consume her thought-processing and time, I would like to take a step back and focus on something else.

I have found that when I begin to obsess about something and it consumes me to the point that I cannot concentrate or even fall asleep, I try to either do several things at once to occupy my thoughts or I focus on something that I really enjoy that gives me positive feelings. For example, my wife and I really want to have children and I really want to provide for our family and I know and understand that I need the proper education and experience to attain those goals as a provider. However, it is still frustrating for me and I lack patience, feeling like I should already be providing solely for my family. So, when that happens and I begin to look at job websites 20 times per day, I take a step back and find a great sporting event on TV, preferably baseball, which I can focus all my energies on.

Another example to get my mind off my frustrations is to occupy myself with several tasks that are important that I have not gotten to yet. And, I tend to always have tasks on my checklist that I need to take care of that may not be as important in the long run as obtaining a career, but in the short run they are tasks that need to be taken care of. In other words, when I take things one-day-at-a-time, one-task-at-a-time I find that I can then worry about my insecurities about not yet providing for my family or about not having children yet when the situation occurs.

I will never fully understand what you women have to go through, but I do know that less stress in one’s life equals a healthier, happier and more-balanced life and lifestyle.

The perfect outlet

The thing that is wonderful about journaling and recording your story is that years from now, you will be able to remember and understand the emotions that you experienced while you were going through this journey. It is also a wonderful way to remember this part of your life.

Some may say it is can be your reminder: when the kids are screaming and you are about the pull your hair out, this was the day that you dreamed of.

Lastly, writing your story and getting your feelings out will help you to process your situation better and to continue to move forward.

Lights, Camera, ACTION!

Some people are very good at articulating there words and feelings in writing where others may be better at being more verbal. This post is for those who don’t feel they have very strong writing skills or for those who just flat out don’t like to write.

Video Journaling is really becoming an alternative way of keeping a journal. With all the technology that we have out there, this method of journaling can be as simple as picking up your phone and taking a quick video. This can be done anytime and really anywhere. Some people may want to make it a lot more elaborate by setting up a station just for this video journal. Meaning they can set up a back drop with a chair and have a camera on a tripod.

When it comes to video journaling the biggest thing is to be yourself and have fun with it. You never know what can come from a heartfelt video, years down the road. Also don’t forget to make copies and back up your videos. It is amazing what can be lost when the computer crashes.

(For those of you in Young Women’s, this could be a really fun mutual activity. If you have access to a camcorder, you could film the girls individually and have them explain their life, what’s going on in it and what they hope to accomplish in the next few years. You could also take a video of the whole group and then give it to them on a person disk.)

The angels may quote:

“Get a notebook, my young folks, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity,” advises President Spencer W. Kimball.

(http://lds.org/friend/1982/01/your-own-journal?lang=eng&query=journal)

Write your story in a book.

This is your chance to write all about you! Write your story down, start from the beginning, start from the middle, or tell it however you want to. The key is to write it. This story can be an ongoing account of what is transpiring in your own fertility journey. You can write it in retrospect, or you can write it start now and do a combination of the two.

This should be written with the idea of expressing your feelings and well as making a record of what you have gone through or what you are going through. The first goal for this should be to write it for yourself, if other things come from it, all the better.

Blogging

Blogging is a wonderful way to express your feelings and you can make it as private or as public as you would like! This is a great way to connect with other who are in the same situation. It is also just a great place to express what you are feeling and it doesn’t matter how well you write or what you say as long as you write what you are feeling.

Lastly a nice thing about a blog is that you can access it where ever you have the internet. Giving you an opportunity to record your feelings no matter where you are.

Journaling

Keeping a journal is a great way to be able to vent your feelings. This can be kept as a private journal or you can write it for posterity’s sake. I would recommend that you write it only as a private journal. The reason I say this is because this journal is for you, this is your place to let all your feelings out and if you are writing for your posterity, you may be hesitant to let out what you are really feeling.

You can make this journal as elaborate or as simple as you want. For me when I need to vent I simply get on my computer and make a new word document. Right now since it is only my husband I’m not afraid of anyone else reading it. Also if I write something that I may not want anyone else to read, I can later come back and delete the file. Find out what you are comfortable with because the more comfortable you are, the easier it will be for you to express your feelings.

Recording your feelings

Expression of feeling is one of the best ways to deal with the problems in our lives. When we keep things bottled up and inside, those feelings that we are harboring can build up and tear us down from the inside out. Finding a healthy out let for those emotions can help heal the wounded heart and help release a lot of those feelings.

Recording your feelings is an amazing outlet especially if you don’t want to talk to anyone about it. There are a few different options that one may take to make a record of their feelings and this week I’m going to cover those options.

volunteer search

There are many different ways to be able to provide service to those around but the biggest thing is to just do it. We can make so many different executes for why not to give of our time but I think that the rewards are worth everything that may be sacrificed.

If you are unsure of service opportunities that are available in your area, here is a wonderful website that helps coordinate people who are looking to serve: http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Happy volunteering!!!

CASA

This is a wonderful program that matches willing volunteers with children who have either been placed in foster care. This program allows the volunteer to be a voice for those children.

If you would like to learn more about this wonderful organization please visit: http://www.casaforchildren.org/  

Showing Love in Small, Simple Things

The simple things really do make a difference and when it comes to service I think this quote is perfect!

"The Lord's love is often delivered through others as they respond to promptings of the Spirit. Are we hearing and following those promptings? . . .

"I fear sometimes we see the Lord's love only in the big events of our lives; we must also see His love in the smallest of things. Don't underestimate your ability to share His love through a simple, genuine gesture such as sitting next to another sister and making her feel welcome."

Bonnie D. Parkin, "Eternally Encircled in His Love," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 109-10

Hospitals in need of help

Working at your local hospital is a great opportunity to serve. Many hospitals have volunteer programs where you can volunteer in many different functions. Here is a list that of opportunities that can be volunteered for at my local hospital:



http://www.saintalphonsus.org/volunteer_opportunities.html



Most hospitals will have a website for prospective volunteers to go to, to learn more about what they can do and how they can help. Check for your local hospitals website online and get involved!

Make Hats

Hospitals and other facilities are always in the need for newborn hats. This is an activity that I really enjoyed because it was something that I could focus my energies on while watching TV or riding in the car. It was perfect for those times that I needed something to take my mind off of not having my own baby.

The easiest way I found for making these hats is by looming them. Here is a website that talks about how to make these fun little hats:

http://www.loomroom.com/knitting-loom-instructions.html

Babysitting

I know that this might sound fundamental but babysitting is a great way help serve someone else. This can be done with or without your hubby, but I would suggest doing it with your hubby because it is always fun to see how they react and interact with the little ones.

Babysitting is twofold because it allows weary parents to have some well needed couple time. Couple time is essential for a marriage and while you are helping this couple strengthen their relationship, you get some well needed baby/children time. It is amazing when you have the chance to be around children how they can help heal your heart. Yes you may long a little more to have one of your own but it give you a chance to share the love that you have inside your heart with children that are not your own. They do say that it takes a community to raise a child; when you interact with children you become part of that community.



http://christianbabysitter.homestead.com/mediaroom.html