Looking to the Lord

The Lord has our best interest in mind and if we but trust in him; he will guild us. Our pain with will soften and we will grow in ways we couldn’t ever possibly imagine.

Looking to the Lord
(Full article by Melissa Merrill can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)

Eventually, the paths of the Belnaps, Hochheisers, Horrockses, and Lintons led them all to adoption. And while their children have brought great joy to each couple, healing, they say, comes from the Lord—not from adopting or conceiving.

“I finally realized that infertility wasn’t a punishment,” Angie says. “Once I was past the point of anger and bitterness, I was willing to hear the Spirit and receive direction about what we were supposed to do. Of course, that comes at different points for everyone. Infertility was my refiner’s fire. My faith was strengthened through those difficult years.”

“I had never really thought about adoption, but when Dave and I had been married almost five years, we moved into a ward where we met a couple who had adopted, and we started asking them questions and learning about the process. In receiving direction from the Lord that adoption was the path we were to pursue, I felt physical and spiritual weights lifted from my shoulders. The realization of God’s plan for our family gave me peace.”

“One of the gospel principles I’ve learned to appreciate through our experience is that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us,” Dave adds. “Sometimes we get caught up in the one-size-fits-all mentality, and we feel that our lives should look like other people’s lives. But that’s really not true. Everyone has different trials, and Heavenly Father is aware of those. If we are humble enough to follow the plan He has for us, we’ll be happy.”

Valerie Hochheiser agrees that relying on and trusting in the Lord is crucial. “I learned that we had to do everything in our power but then ultimately turn it over to Him,” she says. “Sometimes that means letting Him tell us which direction to go. Other times it’s a matter of choosing a direction and letting Him confirm the decision.

“I think that was part of our learning process,” she continues. “I remember at one point telling Heavenly Father that we no longer knew what to pray for. We could pray for this to work or that to work, but mostly we just wanted to be ready for the blessings that Heavenly Father was ready to send us.”

Seeking Heavenly Father’s comfort and guidance will help us make the best decisions regardless of our circumstances.

“I have learned to trust in Him, to follow the Spirit, and to feel at peace because God’s plan is the one that will benefit me the most,” Brad says. “There’s more to life than we can imagine.”

Brenda agrees. “His gifts are the best gifts,” she says. “He loves us so much. What I would have planned for our life would pale in comparison to what He has given us. We need to trust and know that He will give to us immeasurably. What He has in mind for His children is better than anything we could ever design.”

Reaching Out to a Support Network

The first year with infertility was probably the hardest time for me because I thought that I was alone. Where we were living it seemed like every one but me was pregnant or had a baby. It wasn’t until a wiser sister in my ward that was struggling with infertility also, reached out and started a support group. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest and that I knew that I wasn’t alone in this trial.
Don’t be afraid to reach out and find support in those around you. If you look for help, help will come.

Reaching Out to a Support Network
(Full article by Melissa Merrill can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)
Because of infertility’s personal nature, some couples may decide not to talk about it with other people. The Hochheisers, for instance, waited until Valerie was about to undergo surgery before they brought it up to their families.

“It was hard for my family, my mom in particular, to have not been informed all along,” Valerie recalls. “She felt I hadn’t wanted to include her and let her be my support. But we were struggling to figure things out ourselves. It would have been really hard to answer questions when we weren’t yet sure what we were dealing with.” Moreover, they didn’t want to trouble others with their struggles.

Of course, people handle unexpected situations differently, Phil points out. “Later on, I realized the biggest help was having a strong support group outside of the two of us—people who could see the whole picture, or even someone who had been through what we were experiencing.”

Once they started talking to other people, Valerie and Phil realized they weren’t alone.

“There are people out there; there are support groups, both in person and online,” Phil concludes. “Look for help.”

Curtis and Melody found some of their greatest strength in such support groups, specifically Families Supporting Adoption through LDS Family Services. Although they were nervous about going to their first meeting, when they walked into the room, Melody says, “I saw in every woman’s eyes what I felt in my heart. I felt safe and knew that I could share what I was experiencing.”

“Within the support group,” Curtis adds, “we were Curtis and Melody dealing with this challenge of infertility, not infertility in the form of Curtis and Melody.” That realization, he says, was paramount.

“There’s nothing in the scriptures or anywhere in the gospel that teaches us to suffer in silence,” Curtis continues. “That’s a cultural thing. When you suffer in silence, you suffer more deeply. We went through periods where we were waiting for someone to take the first step to us. Be willing to approach others first. Share your story; you’ll find that others will often open up after that.”

Serving Others

Service is an amazing thing! It is through giving acts of service that help one understand that this life and this world is not about us individually. It is an amazing tool that the lord uses to help heal, build friendships and help along the work of the lord. I am planning on devoting a lot more time to this later in the year but this part of the article really hits home when talking about service.

Serving Others

(Full article by Melissa Merrill can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)

Phil and Valerie readily acknowledge that it took more than turning toward each other, important as that was. They also needed to turn outward to others in the healing process.

Valerie remembers finding joy in her service in the Young Women organization. Focusing on those she served helped her deal with her own challenges, and occasionally, she even found personal solutions in the process.

“I remember one particular lesson teaching about having an eternal perspective. We discussed how different our own view is from Heavenly Father’s. For some reason, that particular lesson—while I was in the middle of serving others—had a big impact on me. It helped me see a little bit more clearly that my struggles were only temporary ones.”

Phil, too, had significant experiences reaching out to others. He remembers finding—and later sharing—Alma 26:27: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.”

“I identified with the ‘when our hearts were depressed,’ phrase,” says Phil. “Dealing with infertility is such an up-and-down cycle, and you feel that way a lot of the time. But I learned to ‘bear with patience’ my afflictions and, as Ammon and his brethren were instructed to do, serve others. So that’s what we did. We found ways to reach out to others and lift them up. We didn’t yet know what the ‘success’ would be, whether it would be pregnancy or adoption or something else, but we trusted that it would happen.”

Turning to—Not Away from—Each Other

A marriage always takes two and so does procreating. Without the other we are alone. Infertility really can try a relationship because it is so hard when both couple want to be able to give the other something that is not in there control. This journey is all about love and wanting to share the love you have in your marriage with a child of your own. Continue to love each other unconditionally and with patience.

Turning to—Not Away from—Each Other

(Full article by Melissa Merrill can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)

Infertility can cause a lot of couples to reevaluate their plans for their lives and in some cases, their very relationships. When Curtis and Melody’s doctor suggested a particular fertility treatment—one of their last options—Melody was ready to move ahead, while Curtis had significant reservations. At this crossroads, Curtis recalls, he retreated deeper within himself and escaped by exercising and working more.

Melody, meanwhile, felt stagnant. “While we were trying different procedures, I felt productive and proactive, and that brought a tremendous sense of hope,” she says. “But when we were stalling and nothing was moving forward, that killed me.”

The couple had worked hard for years to encourage each other in their education, careers, and other interests. This had carried over into their infertility challenges as well, such as when Curtis went to doctor appointments with Melody or she supported him as he sought refuge in bike rides and other physical activity.

“Trying to support Melody is what had saved me through all of this,” he says. But as Melody sunk deeper into sadness, Curtis felt powerless in knowing how to help her. They were, it seemed, at an impasse.

That changed, Melody says, when she ultimately realized that they needed to be united as a couple. While she did not share her husband’s reservations about the proposed procedure, she could respect them. “One no meant two no’s,” she says. Together, they began exploring other options.

Phil and Valerie Hochheiser discovered that when the stresses of infertility were too much—especially because, like the Lintons, they came to stages of understanding at different times—they could find relief in focusing on their marriage.

For instance, varying the routine gave the couple something besides fertility testing and treatments to think about. Phil says it was helpful to break away by going to the movies or taking a walk. He and Valerie also “took a couple of trips to put everything behind us for a bit. Otherwise, infertility could have run our days and nights,” he says.

To further strengthen their relationship, the Hochheisers wrote each other notes, went on dates, made anniversaries or other dates special by splurging on a hotel room, made efforts to look attractive for each other, sent flowers, and started saying “I love you” more often. “It’s easy when you’re feeling depressed to let some of these areas slide—or to not try anything at all—but by making a conscious effort, we were able to handle things with a better sense of well-being and unity,” Valerie says.

Physical intimacy also played an important role, Valerie adds. “Intimacy in marriage has several ‘functions’—procreation, yes, but also bonding and unifying a couple in their marriage. Going through infertility reaffirmed in my mind the importance of intimacy in our marriage.”

That stronger marriage, in turn, brought blessings of its own.

“It helped me realize amid a lot of unknowns that I was really blessed to have a husband who is good to me, who loves me, and who was willing to work through this together,” Valerie says. “It didn’t mean that we got rid of the ups and downs. It didn’t mean that there weren’t times that were scary. But we’ve learned so much and grown much closer because of what we’ve been through.”

Debunking Spiritual Myths

     The lord is very aware of our situations and just because we haven’t been blessed with pregnancy, doesn’t mean that we have done something wrong or that we are not spiritual enough to receive the blessing of a baby. Our trials make us who we are and without adversity we would never become the person the lord intends us to be.

Debunking Spiritual Myths

(Full article by Melissa Merrill can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)

Angie’s husband, Dave, grew up with four sisters and two brothers and always expected to have a large family of his own. However, when years passed without any children for him and Angie, Dave began to wonder if it were a consequence of inadequate spirituality.

“We tried to stay positive,” Dave says, “but it was hard. I knew the importance of starting a family, but because we weren’t able to have biological children, I felt like I was being punished or short-changed.”

Like Dave, many people facing infertility look for the reason behind the struggle and sometimes blame themselves. Such thoughts and feelings can sting even more when others make well-intended but hurtful comments, often laced with misguided beliefs.

For instance, Melody Linton recalls sitting in testimony meeting and hearing new mothers say things like, “God trusted me enough to bless me with this baby.”

“I can understand why they said it,” Melody admits. “It’s a fair statement. But in my situation without a child, I couldn’t help but think, ‘God doesn’t trust me.’

“I don’t know that I felt angry at Heavenly Father, but I felt forsaken by Him,” she continues. “I felt so left out. Why were all these other women getting to experience pregnancy? I had tried to live my life worthily and do things I knew to be correct. So why wasn’t it happening for me?”

Eventually, Melody found solace in the writings of Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) on adversity. 4

“The tables turned for me,” she says. “I began to think, ‘Why not me?’ I’m strong enough to handle this.” She knew that with the support of her husband, Curtis, and in the strength of the Lord, she could face her challenges.

Brenda points out that it’s important to continue to trust in the Lord, even when what is happening isn’t what we want. “For a while, I thought if I had enough faith, I would be cured,” she says. “But sometimes having faith means trusting in and listening to the Lord even when we are not cured. What we want won’t always match what He has planned for us.”

She recalls a Sunday School lesson in which a bishopric member shared an important message about faith—one she’s clung to ever since. He said, “When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”

Dealing with Grief

A lot of times people don’t realize that when dealing with infertility you are also dealing with the grief of a loss. You have to grieve for that which is absent. For many of us we have longed to be parents for as long as we can remember and to now be told we can have it, the pain can be almost unbearable.

This part of the article talks about Brenda and how she dealt with the pain she felt from infertility as well as how she found healing.

(Again this whole article can be found at http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng)

Dealing with Grief (Section 2 of Faith and Infertility by Melissa Merrill)

Brenda’s grief at the diagnosis was so overwhelming that she began questioning her mission in life, she says.

“I felt lost for a long time. I felt I had no purpose. That’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it, to get married and have a family? I still knew I was a daughter of God, but I hated that I couldn’t be a co-creator with Him. I felt broken, like I wasn’t a real woman.”

Brenda tried “swimming through” her grief for several months and even years. At one point, it became so severe that she felt prompted to seek professional counseling.

“I realized the grief was inhibiting my progression,” she says. She asked Heavenly Father to guide her in a search for the right counselor and began meeting with one who was able to offer the help Brenda needed.

“As I went to my appointments and continued to do my homework [usually assigned reading], my heart was being prepared for healing,” Brenda recalls. “Many of my fears and pains started to subside, and a new person was emerging.”

Brenda notes that while some well-meaning people tried to assist by suggesting what might be wrong with her or what she could try, that didn’t help. “I just needed people to buoy me up as I struggled and to acknowledge that what I was going through was difficult.”

Angie Belnap and her husband, Dave, learned after four years of marriage that they most likely wouldn’t be able to conceive. Angie recalls going through all of the stages of grief but finding herself returning over and over to the anger stage.

“I remember wondering how something that was so important in life could be denied me,” she says. “My feelings of hurt and what seemed to me to be spiritual abandonment manifested themselves through anger. I was very angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my husband. Angry at God.”

But Angie started working through her grief by focusing on aspects of her life she could control rather than on those she couldn’t. Angie, who worked as a third-grade teacher, looked for ways she could improve her skills at work. She also read a lot—“there was always a book on my nightstand,” she recalls—and pursued other self-improvement projects. “I couldn’t change the infertility, but I could progress in other areas of my life,” she says.

She also found it helpful to keep a journal. “I didn’t always feel that I could talk to people about what I was going through, but I could get my feelings ‘out there’ by writing them down. That helped a lot.”

Faith and Infertility

It is so very interesting to me how things come together in a way that you would have never expected. When I started this blog, I had a written plan for what I wanted to talk about for the first couple of months. This month I wanted to focus on the spiritual side of infertility and how that affects all of our lives. While reading the ensign for this month, I noticed an article about infertility. Since we have started trying to conceive there have been maybe one or two articles discussing infertility. So I think it is a big deal when it is talked about.

This article fits so well into what I wanted to write about this week that I would like to share parts of the article with you on a daily basis. I feel that there is so much we can learn from others and this give a completely different view point then just from me.

If at any time you would like to read the entire article it can be found at:
http://lds.org/ensign/2011/04/faith-and-infertility?lang=eng.

This Article is Titled:

“Faith and Infertility” by Mellissa Merrill.

Infertility can be heartbreaking. Four couples share how they maintained faith and hope.

Infertility: it was the last thing Brenda Horrocks ever expected to hear from her doctor. She and her husband, Brad, had been married for four years, and although she had experienced complications with her menstrual cycle from the time she was a teenager, doctors had told her and Brad that with “a little help,” they would be able to have a baby. “A little help turned into a lot of help,” Brenda says, and after multiple fertility treatments over several years, the Horrockses were told that the likelihood of their being able to conceive was extremely small.

Infertility is not uncommon—some 15 percent of couples in the United States have difficulty conceiving a child; 1 other countries throughout the world show similar figures. In 40 percent of instances, the wife is infertile. In another 40 percent, the problem rests with the husband. In 10 percent of cases, both are infertile, and in the remaining 10 percent, the cause is unknown. 2 In the context of the Church, where the family is celebrated as the fundamental unit of society, 3 not having children can be an especially difficult challenge.

Yet as Brad and Brenda and many others can attest, God does not leave His children alone in their trials. “Never give up,” Brad recommends. “There’s always hope. Heavenly Father always has something in store for us. We have found that over and over again.”

Here, the Horrockses and three other couples who have dealt with the challenges of infertility—Dave and Angie Belnap, Phil and Valerie Hochheiser, and Curtis and Melody Linton—share how they saw the Lord’s hand guiding them through their challenges.

(Tomorrow: Dealing with Grief)

My Savior and my King

Tomorrow is Easter and I am so very grateful for a wonderful brother who so selflessly sacrificed his life so that I could be forgiven of my sins! Because of his suffering he completely and fully understands the trials and the pain that come from this life. He has been there to carry me when I could walk no further on my own. He understands me better than anyone and I feel his love penetrating my life every day. It is to him that I will be eternally grateful for and am glad that I live in a time where I am free to worship him.

Christ has truly been there through for me though some of the darkest times of my life. Infertility has been a trial that he has and still does guild me through. One of the hardest things is to have a dream not come to fruition when you have been dreaming about it your whole life. I do assure you though that through Christ, peace can be found. He is there, he understands, and he loves each and every one of us more then we can humanly comprehend.

I know that Christ lives and the he is there for us anytime that we need him; we just have to open the door and let him in. I am grateful for the relationship that I have had the opportunity to develop with him, it is very personal, is something that I rely very much upon, and something that has shaped who I am.

Please reach out to him if you are feeling low and lonely. Please reach out to him and share your joys. I promise that if you let him into your heart you will find healing and understanding.

A testimony of Christ

Everyone’s testimonies are so individual, so unique, and powerful in its own respects. Today I wanted to share the testimony of a modern prophet of god. His testimony is so pure and wonderful.

Of Him who delivered each of us from endless death, I testify He is a teacher of truth—but He is more than a teacher. He is the exemplar of the perfect life—but He is more than an exemplar. He is the great physician—but He is more than a physician. He is the literal Savior of the world, the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, the Holy One of Israel, even the risen Lord, who declared, “I am the first and the last; I am he who liveth, I am he who was slain; I am your advocate with the Father” (D&C 110:4).

“Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives: ‘I know that my Redeemer lives!’” 2

Of this I testify.

By President Thomas S. Monson

(Taken from: http://lds.org/liahona/2011/04/he-is-not-here-but-is-risen?lang=eng)

A resurrected man

3 Nephi 11: 3

10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.
11 And behold, I am the alight and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter bcup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in ctaking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the dwill of the Father in all things from the beginning.

12 And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude afell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been bprophesied among them that Christ should cshow himself unto them after his ascension into heaven.

-These verses come from my favorite chapter in the scriptures when Jesus Christ visits the Americas. These verses make it seem as if Jesus Christ were presenting himself to me, probably because of the movie “The Testaments.” At the same time, I love how from a few simple sentences spoken by the Savior, the multitude begins to realize that he is the one that prophets had been writing about and speaking of for centuries.

Although I already do believe in Jesus Christ and I am confident that the day that the Savior comes it will be the greatest day, these scriptures remind me of the experience I had when I gained my own personal testimony that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ’s true church on this earth. I am grateful for Jesus Christ’s atoning sacrifice and resurrection in a way in which I am eternally indebted to him. The unconditional love that he has displayed for all of us is something that I cannot describe how much it means to me and my family.

A Special Soul

On a hill far away in a time long ago, Christ gave his life so that we all might live. He suffered unimaginable pain so that our pain might be taken away. His suffering was not done in vain but has affected more lives than anyone act in all of humanity. He truly is the son of god and lives this day to offer us comfort, peace and guidance in our lives.

I would like to share a poem I wrote:

A Special Soul

How special a soul he must have been

For Father in Heaven to allow this life for him

Our Savior chose to come to earth

To be born of Mary through a mortal birth

His life was simple pure and true

But he came to atone for me and for you

He lived his life to perfection

So we all could be blessed with Salvation

Let us live our lives worthy of him

Who hung on the cross and died for our sins



Hold Me

As mentioned yesterday, Christ’s love is perfect and he loves everyone, including you. No matter what you are going through and what trail you are facing, he is there with his arms wide open; we just have to come to him and he will hold us.

I really like this song so I thought that I would share:

Hold Me

By Jamie Grace

The life of christ

When I think of the savior’s life, I think of a man who was completely selfless and so full of compassion for his brethren. He had a prefect love for everyone; a love that truly has touched and affected the inhabitants of this wonderful earth.

His love was evident when he created the earth, when he was born, when he healed the sick, when he preached, when he suffered in the garden of gethsemane, when he died on the cross and when after three days he rose: resourced.

His life was the epitome of love, peace and joy. I will be forever grateful his generous gift that he has given to us all.

The Savior

Since this is the week before Easter, this week’s posts are going to be devoted to the Savior. They are going to be about him, his life, his sacrifice and his mercies. This is straying a bit from our infertility chatter but I feel that without the savior we would not be able to find the solace and pain relief that is so very much needed when dealing with infertility. This is the least I can do for all he has done for me.

The true goal

Today I attended a very dear friend’s wedding and it was a good reminder to me what this whole journey is about. It is about you and your spouse being the best that you can be and helping your family strive towards exaltation. When things get tough and you feel like the world is plotting against you, don’t forget where you’re heading. That is the true glory.

Random rambling

You know you are trying to get pregnant when…

Someone asks you today’s date and you reply “Day 21″ . . .

Courtesy of http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com/category/infertility-jokes/

Love

This journey that we are really boils down to one four letter word: love. As a couple we love each other and there comes a time where we want to share that love by adding children to our family. Love is the reason we started this journey and love is what will see us through to the end.

This quotes is from one of my favorite talks and I whole heartedly agree with what Elder Uchtdorf is saying:

"Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope. As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit."

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "You Are My Hands," Ensign, May 2010, 70, 75

A thought from Robert

I obviously don’t feel the same way as my wife regarding infertility because I’m never going to be the one that could or could not become pregnant (thank goodness ). At the same time, I can probably say that most males want to be a father someday as well, of which I am definitely one of them. The thought of being able to have my own son or daughter to take care of and call my own is something that I strive for, so yes there is some anxiousness of me also wanting my wife to become pregnant someday.

On the other hand, we’ve been very blessed in our lives to be able to be there for family members and friends, in instances that may not have happened had we had children at the time. Therefore, although it is always a dream for my wife and I to have children and a large family, as long as we continue to try to be instruments in the Lord’s hands and fulfill His will, what’s supposed to happen will happen.

Listening a little more

One of the things that I have a hard time of doing is just listening. I like to solve people’s problems and if something is wrong I like to give suggestions on what they could do. In the world of infertility, this isn’t all that bad but it may not be desired by the afflicted party.

When we, as humans, have been going through a particular trial it is easy to assume that we know a lot about it. As I mentioned before, with infertility, even though we share commonalities ever trial of infertility is so unique. It is easy to assume we know exactly what they are going through. This may or may not be the case.

We need to be aware of the feelings of the afflicted party and sometimes be there to just listen. Not to give advice or tell them how they should feel, but to have an open mind, heart and ears, for the person who really may need someone to talk to.

In God's time

A dear friend of mine suggested that I listen to this song written by Randy Houser, called “In Gods Time”. This song really touched my heart and is perfect for compliment to my thoughts this week. I think we all have a pretty good understanding that blessings come in the Lord’s time frame and not in ours; especially when dealing with the blessing of having children. I have included the lyrics to this song as my post for today:

"In God's Time"

By Randy Houser

In God's time

A million years might only be a single day

And everything He does gets done His own way

In God's time

And in God's time

You'll find that certain someone you've been praying for

And they'll be everything you dreamed of and a little more

In God's time

Oh, but no one knows

Not you or me

It might be tomorrow or it might never be

Oh, but don't lose faith

Put it in His hands

'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan

Than you had in mind

Miracles happen

In God's time

And in God's time

You'll finally get the chance to hold your baby girl

And all the sudden everything'll make sense in this crazy world
In God's time

Oh, but no one knows

Not you or me

It might be tomorrow or it might never be

Oh, but don't lose faith

Put it in His hands

'Cause it might be that He might have a bigger plan

Than you had in mind

Miracles happen

In God's time

And In God's time

You go to sleep and wake up with wings and learn to fly

And you finally meet your loved ones on the other side

In God's time



No matter how long

To let you know a little bit about me, I am a blog and Facebook stalker. I have the blogs that I follow saved in my favorites and once a week (usually on Sunday because that is when I have the most time) I quickly skim all of these blogs. Well one of the blogs that I am following stopped me and made me think a bit about how we in the infertile world view others.

This wonderful woman has just had the opportunity to adopt a beautiful baby girl and it has been really interesting and informative to follow her and her husband. She posted today about the fact that some of us who have been trying for a while may feel a little annoyed by those who have just started trying (in our eyes) and who are upset that they are not pregnant yet. I really appreciate her posting about this because it is very easy for us to measure the pain someone is experiencing by the amount of time they have been suffering.

If someone has only been trying to conceive for 5 months it may be easy to think, “What are they complaining about? Try not being able to conceive after trying for 5 years!”

I know for me the time that was consistently hard for me was the first year of trying. That was the time that I watching for every single signal my body could possibly dish out, I had loaded up on pregnancy test, and hung on to any piece of hope I could. It’s was a hard time because I don’t know what is going on and any month I could get pregnant. It was a time that was very lonely because I don’t know what is going on and it seems like I was the only one out there that couldn’t get pregnant.

When I think about those who are trying, no matter how long, we all have one thing in common; we all want to a baby. I guess this whole post is to echo my friend in the fact that no matter what stage of infertility we are in we need to show each other the love that we ourselves would like to receive, striving to be a little more like Christ in our actions and dealings with our fellow mankind.

(If you would like to read the blog post that I have been referring to it can be found at: http://rachelandnicholas.blogspot.com/)

On the spiritual side.

The message of this week is simple, when going through infertility we have to remember the spiritual side of our health. When our spirit is not in good health, it can be detrimental to our growth and overall health. Take the time to look inwards and to build that wonderful relationship with our father in heaven.

Picture provided by Fotolia (found through Microsoft clip art)

Looking inward

A long time ago I was told that we are either moving towards love or we are moving away from love. I think the same thing can be said about the gospel: we are either moving towards or away from the teachings of the gospel. I think for most of us we don’t intentionally go away from the gospel but we have to do a check up on our emotions and our actions and ask: which direction am I heading.

Consider this phrase when you are approaching your emotional checkup. I know in my life there are times when my scripture study may be slacking or I’m just in a spiritual funk. At those times I have realized that unintentionally I was not moving in the right direction. That is when I know I have to reevaluate my priorities. When I am moving forward, my emotions are more in check, the trial of infertility seems to be much more manageable and a more at peace with the direction my life has taken.

Gratitude

My heart is full of emotions today, and it is days like today that I am so very grateful that I have a father in heaven that I can pour my soul out to. I am so very grateful that he listens to me and understands my feelings, even better than I do my self. I am grateful for the tender mercies that the lord offers me on a daily and sometime hourly basis. I know that he has a plan for me and Robert and that this trial will/has brought about some intense emotions but all of this will be worth it when down the road we hold our precious little ones in our arms.

Taken from: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/02/0214_060214_animal_love.html

PS. Thank you for all your support and all you do! I appreciate all your comments and for following me through this challenge.

Scripture Study

The next great way to get your spiritual checkup is through you r personal scripture study. There is a quote and I can’t remember who said it but it stated that if you want to talk to the lord pray but if you want the lord to talk to you study the scriptures.

This is the time that you get a one on one with the lord. He has spent thousands of years creating and saving these words so that they could come to you just the way he intended them to.

Picture taken from: http://www.thefellowship.info/Pray/Prayer-Practices/Praying-the-Scriptures



Prayer

Prayer is one of the greatest ways to heal a broken heart.  As part of your spiritual check-up, looking at your prayer habits is a great place to start.  I’ve found that my personal prayer sessions with Heavenly Father have allowed me to feel that Heavenly Father cares about and loves me, and he has a greater purpose for me that I’m not yet aware of.  At times it is difficult to not be able to yet be a mom, especially since that has always been my lifelong goal, but one of the best ways that I can get out my frustrations and receive a great deal of comfort in return is after prayer.

Picture author unknown

Tears of pain and relief

During this journey of infertility, the pain of not being able to have children can at times be almost unbearable and the yearning for pregnancy and parenthood can almost be debilitating. When these moments come and they will come, don’t be afraid express your emotions. It is ok to cry and it is ok at times to curl up in bed and just let it out.

Crying can be a release of so many emotions and I relate crying to that of a good rain. After a good rain, the land in a sense is renewed, its thirst is quenched and the rain brings a life sustaining element to all it touches. From that rain beautiful flowers can grow, the grass turns a little greener and the trees a little taller. Without it they would wither and never reach their true potential.

Without a way to release the tension and pain we stunt our growth and may never live up to our full potential. I’m not saying that crying is a, solve all, cure but it definitely can help us heal a little bit and mature more in our trial. Our pain, like the sky, needs to be released so this heavy load can be lifted and the sun can shine again. We all know that the rain won’t stay away forever but each time it does we can find a sense of renewal from it and be able to face this trial with more confidence and perseverance.

Illustration by Paula Becker http://paulabecker.com/blog/?p=349#comment-11043

The emotional check up

Now that the doctor’s appointment has been scheduled or completed, the next step is just as vitally important as the checkup with the doctor; that is doing an emotional checkup. During the hubbub of scheduling appointments, researching, charting, and doing things pertaining to infertility, it is sometimes easy to forget that we need to get in touch with our feelings and with overcoming the pain and the hurt that can be felt during this time.

As I am sure you all are very aware of by now, infertility is much more than a physical thing, it is something that can affect us just as much, if not more, emotionally.

The hurry up and wait game

With this next step in meeting with your doctor, you are starting a game of hurry up and wait. You hurry up and get the appointment set and then you have to wait to hear about the testing. You get the testing done then you have to wait for the results. You get the results and have to wait for the next step.

This can be a time of great learning and growing in the struggle towards fertility but it can also be frustrating because answers don’t always come easy. Open communication as a couple and with the doctor can help ease the frustration. Be prepared and go forth with faith, because at times that is the best thing you can do.

On the same page

When it comes to infertility, if you ever get to a point where either you or your spouse are uncomfortable with a treatment option, make sure that you discus it. It is vital to have open communication at this point because this concern may be a misunderstanding, or it may be a genuine concern.

For example, when Robert and I started infertility treatments, he was absolutely against me ever taking clomid. This was because (to make a long story short) he had a very dear friend who ended up getting pregnant with triplets and had an extremely difficult and life threatening labor. Robert was afraid that this may happen to me. Well he told the doctor of this concern and through education Robert about how rare his friend’s case was, Robert felt more comfortable about us going forward with the treatment.

I was very appreciative of his concern for me but at the same time that concern could have prevented us from moving forward. Knowledge in this case allowed us to get pass that uncertainty.

On the flip side of that, when facing infertility treatments, you have to listen to spirit too. There may be a treatment that is suggested and you may just get an uneasy feeling about it. Don’t ignore these feelings because they are there to help guild and protect. If you are ever not sure about a certain treatment, don’t hesitate to take the matter to the lord. Pray and fast about it and you will know whether or not as a couple you should move forward.