We are not forsaken

This scripture is a very good reminder that we are not alone; we are loved and have never been forsaken even in our darkest of times.

Doctrine and Covenants 61:36, “And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer,  little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you”

A scripture a day keeps the devil away...

As the year is starting to wind down and we only have 9 more weeks till the end of the year, I would like to take this week to share some scriptures from the Bible and from the Book of Mormon that have helped me through this journey of infertility. A lot has been said on here about spirituality and I am a firm believer that the Lord has plan for each and every one of us and that if we want to speak to the Lord we pray but if we want the lord to speak to us we read his holy word in the scriptures.

I would like to give you all a challenge this week to make a list of your favorite scriptures so that way you can reference them at any time you may need that little extra spiritual boost. Just write one day per day this week and then keep the list in a place that is easy to be referenced.  

Dealing with a death

When it comes to a miscarriage it is like dealing with the death of a loved one. It’s the death of someone that you may not have met but loved so dear is no longer going to be a part of your family. This little precious life was going to be the newest addition to your family and to your future. The hopes, the dreams, and the anticipations all have been crushed.

It is normal to feel pain, guilt and immense sadness when you have a miscarriage and it is ok to grieve the loss. This is a loss and should be treated as such. Everyone’s grieving cycle is different and that is normal as well.

After a miscarriage it can be hard to pick yourself up and move on and if you are one, who is finding this extremely difficult, please remember that this grief doesn’t have to be carried alone. There others who are going through or have gone through the same thing and if reaching out to other doesn’t seem to ease the pain, please seek out a professional to help.

A miscarriage is not your fault.

One of the biggest misconceptions is that a miscarriage could have been prevented or that the woman caused it to happen. This is not true! Most miscarriages happen because of things that are well beyond our control. We cannot control whether or not the cells divide properly or whether or not the egg implants properly onto the uterus.

These things are circumstantial and cannot be controlled. Many time women will read that taking a hot shower or eating cottage cheese in their first trimester will cause a miscarriage or that because they had intercourse this caused it. The truth of the matter is, miscarriages happen and there isn’t anything that can be done about it.

So please don’t blame yourself for this because dealing with the miscarriage is hard enough without blaming yourself for what happened. It is part of the life cycle and it is one of those times when you have to put your trust in the Lord and know that he knows best. He loves us and understands our pain but he also knows the big plan for us and for our families.

Waiting uon the Lord

If you are in need of a little inspiration, I have the perfect article/talk for you. It is called Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done by Robert D. Hales. This talk is a very humble reminder that we need to put our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and that it is through him our blessing comes.

Here is a scripture that Elder Hales quoted that immense peace and guidance:  

Isaiah 40:31 “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

Is miscarriage normal?

Having a miscarriage is a something that is very common and happens more often than women give it credit. It is easy to pass a miscarriage as something that happens to other people but in reality it can happen to any couple. Pregnancy can be so very exciting, especially when it is something that hasn’t come easily. This quote I’m going to share is interesting in the fact that it shows to commonality of miscarriages:

“Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage. Chemical pregnancies may account for 50-75% of all miscarriages. This occurs when a pregnancy is lost shortly after implantation, resulting in bleeding that occurs around the time of her expected period. The woman may not realize that she conceived when she experiences a chemical pregnancy.” (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html)

Obviously not every pregnancy will end in a miscarriage but it is important to realize that they do happen to be prepared in the event that it does happen.

How do miscarriages happen?

This is another very technical thing and while there are many reasons for which a miscarriage to happen, there a couple types of miscarriages that are more common than others. This article that I quoted from last night, really gives a good description of these different types of miscarriages:

“The most risky time is between six and eight weeks from the last menstrual period. Over half the babies who are miscarried during this period have a chromosomal abnormality. This occurs when the crossover of genes from the sperm and the egg takes place at the time of conception. Sometimes, some genetic information is lost and the pregnancy cannot continue. This is known as a ‘chance event’ and has no known medical cause. Exactly which information is lost determines when the miscarriage will happen. The point at which the information is needed, and is not there, is the point at which the baby stops developing and dies, and, usually, the miscarriage begins. This genetic information may be needed immediately, or not for some weeks, and the pregnancy will carry on as normal until that time.

The miscarriage may not happen immediately, leading to what is called a ‘missed’ miscarriage which may not be picked up until some weeks later, following slight bleeding or period-type pains.

The second most common cause of miscarriage is the baby not implanting itself correctly in the womb lining - another chance occurrence.

Other risk factors include the age of the mother: miscarriage risk rises as maternal age increases. For women under 35 the clinical miscarriage rate is 6.4%, at 35-40 it is 14.7%, and over 40 it is 23.1%.

Smoking, certain drugs (prescribed or illicit substances), multiple pregnancies such as twins or triplets, poorly controlled conditions such as diabetes, and auto-immune disorders such as Lupus may also increase the risk of miscarriage.” (http://www.babyloss.com/pdfs/miscarriage.pdf)

What is a miscarriage?

Frankly a miscarriage is when you become pregnant and the pregnancy is not carried to term. Many times miscarriages happen in the first 10 weeks of the pregnancy. The medical definition of a miscarriage is, “the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy before 24 weeks’ gestation, when the fetus has a chance of survival outside the womb.” (http://www.babyloss.com/pdfs/miscarriage.pdf)

There are different things that factor into miscarriages and tomorrow we are going to take a look at those factors. The thing to remember about miscarriages is that they do not just affect the body but they do effect emotions for both women and for men.

Family

This week I would like to discus the heartbreak and the growth that can come from a miscarriage, but today I want to take a minute to talk about something very special. I want to talk about family.

This whole journey is about growing a family and sharing the joy that you feel as a husband and wife. Don't forget about the family that you have now. No matter what issues you  may have with them, or what has happened in the past because they are still you family. Families are there to be a support and help for those time of need.

They love you and during this time of trying to grow your own family it is ok lean on them during their time of need.

Families are amazing!!

Emotions are delicate

Something that has to be realized when dealing with any kind of emotion is to recognize that our emotions can be delicate and fragile at times and then as solid as a rock at other times.  Emotions are funning things and they can act up at any time, without warning and without mercy.

Be strong! Be valiant! Be grateful! This journey may feel like there is not an end in sight but there is an end and it will be glorious, we just have to hold on a little bit longer!

Contentment

This emotion is reached once you are completely drained, your emotions have hit an all-time low and in an effort to make sense of this mess, the lord reaches out and touches your soul. He fills your body, mind and spirit with this overwhelming feeling of peace and love. This is when you know that you are on the right path and that this journey isn’t about our plan but it is about the plan that the lord has for us as his children.

 I would be lying if I told you that this feeling of contentment is something that is easily maintainable but it takes work. All the other feelings will creep back in and will still be a part of your life but once this contentment is felt, it is easier to regain this feeling again and continue to move forward putting your faith in a higher plan then your own.

Keeping in Touch with Feelings

I found this great article about dealing with negative emotions; it’s called Keeping in Touch with Feelings By C. Richard Chidester. Here is a quote from this article that I feel is very fitting with the theme of this week:

“Treat negative feelings respectfully, not guiltily. I’ve always been impressed with how open the Savior was about his negative feelings. In only one example, in 3 Nephi, we read that he is “troubled” because of Israel’s wickedness; but just a few verses later, he is saying, “My joy is full” because of the faithfulness of the people. (3 Ne. 17:14, 20.)

Many people feel that negative feelings are wrong, so they try to act as if they feel something else. The result is a double message, for it is simply impossible to express spontaneous love—or any other kind of positive emotion—under those circumstances. If the family rules allow the open and respectful expression of negative feelings… then positive feelings would flow more freely too.” http://lds.org/ensign/1979/07/keeping-in-touch-with-feelings?lang=eng&query=dealing+with+negative+emotions

Is the world spinning?

There comes a time where it may feel like the world is spinning out of control and you may not be able to determine what direction is up or down! This is the emotion of confusion.

This can be encountered at any time during the infertility process and can continue onto into parenthood. Confusion is usually found at a point where you may not know where to go, where you feel completely drained and the next step may not be known. This is a common emotion and it is natural to feel confused at times.

There are a couple of things that you should never feel confused about and if you do, serious self-evaluation and help would need to be sought. These emotions include and are not limited to: confusion about if your Father in Heaven loves and cares about you, if your spouse loves you, or if you feel you are being punished. The truth is you are loved! You have a Father in Heaven who will never stop loving you, a husband that should love you and you are never being punished because you are unable to bear children.

Confusion happens and it is part of this whole crazy process. It is how we deal with the confusion that can and will happen throughout this baby making process!

The green eyed monster

Jealousy. Have you ever been walking down the street and noticed that it seems like everyone you see is either pregnant or pushing a stroller? Have you ever been to a baby shower and wished that it was for you, whom the baby shower was being thrown for? Have you been listening to a group of women complain about labor or their children and think that you would trade everything you had to be in there position?

Even if you haven’t had those exact thoughts, every woman who has dealt with infertility at some point has been jealous of another who has what we want. Jealousy is a natural emotion and it comes with really feelings. The problem is that if it is not kept with bounds it can turn into a green eyed monster of jealousy. It can become all-consuming and destroy the soul if allowed to.  

The key with dealing with jealousy is to keep it in check. If you feel like you are judging others more or that you are wishing you were in their shoes quite often, that’s the time where you need to take a step back and reflect on your life. Gratitude is the key to combating jealousy. By truly being grateful for the things that you do have it can help keep the green eyed monster at bay. It is not always worth it but we are all very blessed and our blessing are each very unique.

Pain

When thinking about infertility, one of the first emotions that I know I experienced was that of pain. There was deep longing lodge way down in my soul that yearned to be fulfilled. I wanted to be a mother and every month that pasted by I would feel the pain of disappointment, the pain of despair and the pain yearning.

A few months after my husband and I had started trying to have a baby, he had a chance to go to work a baseball camp for the summer. We decided that would be a good opportunity for him and that he should take it. It did mean that we would have to spend about 2 months apart, 2 months of precious baby making time out the window. But the timing was going to be perfect, according to all my charting I would ovulate the weeks before he was supposed to leave for Missouri. The timing was going to be so right and I knew that this month was going to be our month!  We would get pregnant and Robert wouldn’t have to worry about me being sick at all of everything would be perfect. Well I was a week late and I knew that we must have done it!

One afternoon after getting back from work and from talking to my sweet husband about how I knew this was our month; I took a trip to the bathroom and couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw blood. I was devastated. I couldn’t make it past the bathroom door. I curled up in a ball in the hallway and bawled. It was one more month of being further away from my dreams, one more period, and one more devastating blow. I felt like so much pain was being pent up in my soul.

Well I did eventually pick myself up off the floor and knelt in prayer.  Since I felt all alone I knew I had to pray. The only way I was able to get through it was through the help of spirit and feeling the love that the lord had for me. The best type of Tylenol for this type of pain can only be found through a lot of soul searching, prayer and learning to feel the love of the lord. Pain is real and has to be dealt with because if it is not, it can lead to bitterness, loneliness, and being completely unhappy.

Taking care of your emotional health

We have talked a lot about our bodies, how they function and how they affect our ability to have children. Something that we have touched on is our emotional health. This week I want to dedicate it to making sure that we are taking the best care of our emotions.

I want to address the different emotions that are and can be associated with infertility and its journey. Emotions are real and they can have a direct impact on your fertility!

Spiritualness.

How is your relationship with your father in heaven?

Has this journey strengthened your testimony?

How is your faith?

Do you find strength when you read your scriptures?

How are your prayers and do you feel like you are receiving comfort in your prayers?

Do you know that your Father in Heaven loves you more then anything?

Goals?

When was the last time you reviewed your goals?

Are you on track with you goals?

Do your goals need to be reevaluated?

Are your goals still relevant?

How are you feeling about our goals?

How is our example?

“As his followers, we cannot do a mean or shoddy or ungracious thing without tarnishing his image. Nor can we do a good and gracious and generous act without burnishing more brightly the symbol of him whose name we have taken upon ourselves” (President Gordon B. Hinckley, Be Thou an Example, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1981, p. 90).

Are we living our lives in accordance to his will and plans?

Are we being a good example in all that we do?

How is your relationship?

How is your relationship with you husband?

Are you guys happy?

Does he still want a child as much as you?

Is there still a flame?

Are you doing things to build your relationship?

Are your goals still the same?

Questions about your body.

Since beginning your fertility journey, what have you learned about your body?

Do you ovulate?

Do you have a regular cycle?

Have you learned to listen to your body and read its signs?

What are you doing to help your body be more fertile?

Happiness

To do a self-check-up, you need to know what questions to ask. The next few days I would like you to seriously answer the questions that I’m going to ask. By being honest with yourself it will help make sure things are in check and are balanced.

Questions for the day:

How do you feel about your infertility?

Do you cry when you see a pregnant woman or baby?

Are you happy for those who announce a pregnancy or are you secretly jealous?

Do you feel like you are working towards being happy?

Are you happy in your daily life?  

Whole body check up.

Now that you have taken care of your breast health it is time to take care of the rest of you. Our bodies are amazing things and we need to take care of them physically and emotionally.

This week we are going to do a little checkup. As we are nearing the end of the year, we need to make sure we are doing the best we can for our total wellbeing! 

Being aware

Today I went to a health and wellness expo and there were two ladies that run a program to support those who are going through the breast cancer battle. They both were survivor of breast cancer and wanted to give, the support they wished they had while going through breast cancer, with others.

Frist off I think it is amazing how many blessings can come when women support each other and secondly it is wonderful to see how much more aware women and men are about breast cancer. The one thing both ladies said is that when it comes to breast cancer, get checked, get checked often and be aware of the changes that are happening in your body.

What is a mammogram?

Frankly they take the breast, pinch it between the imaging equipment and then take an x-ray. This allows doctors to really get a thorough view of all the breast tissue. On a more scientific note this is how they describe a mammogram:

“The patient's breasts are then placed on a firm flat panel and a gentle, but firm pressure is applied to the breast with another panel, resulting in compression of the breast between the two panels.” (http://www.medicinenet.com/mammogram/page2.htm)

http://www.medhelp.org/medical-information/show/4346/Mammogram 

Although mammograms may be very uncomfortable, it is the best way to get a good look at the tissue to make sure that there isn’t any sign of cancer or abnormalities. Mammograms are usually ordered for women who are 40 years of age or older and should be done yearly. 

Our bodies are a Temple...

Our bodies truly are something miraculous! It is no wonder why we are told that our bodies are temples, they are amazing. With the responsibility of being in charge of our own personal temples, we need to makes sure to recognize when things are wrong. By taking care of what we have been blessed with we are honoring our temples/ our bodies. 

“Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

“For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Cor. 6:19–20).

Keeping an eye out...

Today’s message is simple: do your monthly and yearly exams!

Breast cancer if caught early enough is something that can be treated and by doing your own monthly exam and getting your yearly exam done it can help make sure that your breast are in tip top shape. A monthly exam is something that can be done simply from the comfort of your own home.

If you need instructions on how to do a breast exam here are a couple of websites that explain how:

http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/testing/types/self_exam/bse_steps.jsp -This is a five step process for women.

http://women.webmd.com/healthtool-self-breast-exam -this one takes you through 6 different steps.

What is the history of breast cancer?

Breast cancer has been around for a very long time. One report states, “The oldest description of cancer was discovered in Egypt and dates back to approximately 1600 BC. The Edwin Smith Papyrus describes 8 cases of tumors or ulcers of the breast that were treated by cauterization. The writing says about the disease, ‘There is no treatment.’” http://www.news-medical.net/health/History-of-Breast-Cancer.aspx

The first surgery to remove the tumorous tissues in the breast was reported to be done in in the 1600’s. At this time, not only did they remove the bad tissue but they would completely amputate both breasts. Usually they would leave these big gaping holes that were left open to bacteria and other diseases.

I’m very glad that our physicians these days don’t think of breast cancer untreatable or that treatments for best cancer have greatly improved since that time. I think I would rather let the cancer take me then be subject to the pain and inevitable diseases that would come from such an amputation. I’m am very grateful for the technology that we have now.

What is breast cancer?

We hear all about it. We have loved ones who have been affected by it. We have been told to watch out for it. We have been told to support those who had, have, and will have it. But what exactly is it?

Breast cancer in the medical terms is, “Breast cancer is a malignant tumor that starts in the cells of the breast. A malignant tumor is a group of cancer cells that can grow into (invade) surrounding tissues or spread (metastasize) to distant areas of the body. The disease occurs almost entirely in women, but men can get it, too.” http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/DetailedGuide/breast-cancer-what-is-breast-cancer.

In regular terms, there is a mass of cells in the breast that start to grow and spread to other cells, destroying things as it goes and making the owner very sick.

Here are couple of pictures of normal and cancerous breasts:

Healthy Breast tissue.

Cancerous Tissue

Awareness

This month is National Brest cancer awareness month. This is a subject that is very near and dear to my heart and there really are not very many people out there who haven’t been affected in some way by this disease. In honor of this month, this week is going to be dedicated to breast cancer awareness.

Breast cancer is a growing concern for the woman of our day and is something that is treatable as long as it is caught early.

Wrap up.

After trying so many different infertility treatments, it can be hard to even want to go back to the doctor’s office. The nice things about these alternative treatments it they really help the whole body and not just focusing on infertility.

On the plus side, these treatments can be extremely beneficial when combined with insemination or In vitro fertilization. The reason the combination of allopathic and homeopathic result in higher results, is because the combination help reduce stress at the same time treating the infertility problems.

A word of caution, before you start anything new, research as much as you can about it and make sure you are making a very educated decision. Don’t start anything new without knowing what you are getting into. Just because it worked for one person doesn’t mean that it will work for everyone. On the other side if you feel comfortable it never hurts to try something new. You never know what will happen.