Service Opportunities

I know I have talked about service several times already this year but I wanted to spend this week giving ideas of different organization and service options that are out there.

One of the best ways to forget about our own problems is to serve others. One of the things that I struggled with and still struggle with is the not thinking about things that I have no control over. Fertility and babies at times is the only thing that I have on my mind. Not only is it depressing and distracting, it also makes it hard to focus on the good things in life.

Through service I have found that I can redirect my energies towards a more uplifting and edifying purpose.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we have the special opportunity to be from the lineage of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. With this comes the blessings and promises that were given to them in their day, from the lord. One of the things promised to Abraham is his seed would be as numerous as the sands of the sea. This promise was given to him when he did not have any children and he was aged in years. That promise didn’t happen overnight and it didn’t even happen in even Abraham’s children’s, children’s lives, and now thousands of years later, his seed I truly as numerous as the sands of the sea. We as members of the church are all either directly related or adopted into the lineage of Abraham.

As seen with the people of Alma and with Abraham, when the lord makes a promise he keeps it. The answer to that promise may not be in the time frame or in the package we think it will come in, but god would not be god if he did not keep the promises he has made with his children. At times that is all one may have to hold onto but it can be a glimmer hope in the dark of the night. The lord has promised everyone who lives righteously and keeps the commandments of the lord will have an eternal increase. Whether that is in our life time or in the next life, that is up to the lord, but one thing to remember is found in Mosiah 23:22, “-whosoever putteth his trust in him (the lord) the same shall be lifted up at the last days.”

May we be as the people of Alma, continually praying in our hearts for deliverance and putting our utmost faith in our savior Jesus Christ. Know that one day we will be delivered from out bondages, particularly the one of infertility, and we too will be as the people of Zarahemla, “…when they beheld those that had been delivered out of bondage they were filled with exceedingly great joy.” (mosiah 25:8).

We must put our faith in the lord and know that he has a plan that is much better for us then we can ever imagine. Just as the people of Alma didn’t know how the lord will deliver us from the bondage of infertility. For some it may be a simple fix and the fertility fight will be short lived, some may have to wait longer, and others may never have their own biological children. But just as the lord promised and did deliver the people of Alma, he too will deliver all from their personal bondages. It may not be the way we plan but we must have faith in the lord and have patience.

On those hard days pray to the lord and ask for his comfort. He will not always take away our burdens but he can make them more manageable and easier to handle.

As the story ends, the lord indeed did deliver them from bondage. He caused the laminites to go into a deep sleep, which allowed them the people of Alma to escape captivity in the cover of night. They were united with the people of Zerahenmla and free from the oppression of the laminites.


We can follow the example of the people of Alma and learn to have patience in our trial. We can also learn that the lord hears our prayers and knows the desire of our hearts. He knows that the desire to raise children is a righteous desire but before the blessing comes the trial.

At times I wonder what the people of Alma’s idea of deliverance meant to them. Did it mean that Amulon would die and they would be free? Did it mean they would rise up against their enemies in triumph? Or did it mean they would die in their trial and be relieved of their burdens through death? We may never know what they wondered in their hearts, but we do know what the lord promised them. The lord said to the people, “Lift up your hearts and be of good comfort, for I the lord know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.”

Not only did the Lord promise to deliver them from bondage but he also “…did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease…” (Mosiah 24:15). He promised freedom as well as the he made them strong enough to handle their burdens. As a result, “they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the lord.” (Mosiah 24:15). So great was their faith that the lord would deliver them that they were patient and happy about what was going on.

Now by this point you may be wondering how this fits into infertility and our lives as women because we can still pray, we are not required to bear heavy burdens placed on us by an evil king and we are not being threatened with losing our lives for practicing our religion. Although our burdens are not the same as the people of Alma, it does not make them any lighter.

Our trials, although different, still bear the burden of pain, fear, and can be quite oppressing at times. These feelings can be felt every time when Aunt Flow visits, it can take all the streangth in us to continue on after having a miscarriage or a still birth. At times it may feel that that burdens that has been placed on your shoulders is too great to carry and the thought of having to take one more step forward is unfathomable. It is at those times of great despair, when we must look to a higher power, one who understands and knows our pain.

After Amulon decreed that the people were not to pray, there were two options the people had. They could fold under the pressures of man and forget their lord or they could still pray but just in a different way. “And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.” (Mosiah 24:12). The people of Alma put their faith in the lord and in his teachings. They did not know for a fact that they were going to make it out of this trial but they knew if they put their faith in the lord, his plan for them would ultimately be better than their own plan.

When the lord seeth fit

“Never the less the lord seeth fit to chasten his people: yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.” Mosiah 23:21. This verse comes from the story of Alma, he and his followers had fled from before the wicked king Noah and his priests. Alma and his people had found a beautiful place to live while they were wondering in the wilderness. As they started to settle in and till the land in this area, the lord blessed them abundantly and the as the scriptures say, “…they did multiply and prosper exceedingly in the land…” (Mosiah 23:19).

Alma and his people were living righteous lives and they were being blessed. They were doing everything as best as they could, according to their understanding of the gospel, and the lord still felt that for their betterment they needed to be tried and tested. At this point in the story, the lord allowed the Laminites, while lost in the wilderness, to find Alma and his people. Since the lamanites had more power, they forced Alma and his people into the yoke of bondage.

The people of Alma were no longer free to live their lives and because of Alma’s past, the lamanites and the priests of King Noah began to persecute the people and require them to perform many hard tasks. It even went to the point where Amulon (the appointed King over the people of Alma and one of the priests of King Noah) would not allow them to pray. “And Amulon commanded them that… whosoever should be found calling upon god should be put to death.” (Mosiah 24:9). The people of Alma were a god fearing people and not only were heavy burdens given to them but the very act of prying, their life line to the lord was, by penalty of death, being taking away. Life as they knew it was being threatened and the oppression they faced was great.

This week I would like to share a story from the Book of Mormon about Alma and his people. I feel that this will close out the month of July very well be it talks about our freedoms, our rights and the fact that the lord does have a plan for us.

Each one of us is special and the Lord loves us individually. He will not forget us in our time of need but we have to cry out to him when we need help and then do all that we can to receive the blessings that he has promised us.

I hope that this week’s message will flow properly and that you will enjoy it!

You are not alone

No matter what type of infertility you may be struggling with the key factor is to remember that you are not alone! You are not the only one out there that is besieged with the inability to conceive a child. Whether someone has 10 kids or none at all, having that righteous to want to bring another life into this world is what brings us all together.

To those of us that don’t have any children yet don’t look at those who have secondary infertility any different than you would someone suffering from primary infertility. When you do have the chance to conceive and have a baby, the minuet you try for baby number two you will fall into the category of having secondary infertility.

A special request to those who have secondary infertility, when talking to those with primary infertility, be aware of their feeling and try to gage whether or not they are comfortable with talking about your child. Sometimes

By being sensitive to others and remembering the commonalities that we share, together, we can provide support and strength for each other in a time where it is so very easy to feel alone.

Stress

One of the biggest culprits of secondary infertility is stress. When women are stressed it can relate to a lot of the changes in their body, with their cycle, and with their moods. Stress mess with a lot of the hormones that body produces as well.

I know this is probably one of the hardest things to remember, especially when you have a little one running around, but you have start to recognize the things that stress you out and try to limit those things. It may not be possible to eliminate all those things that cause stress in our lives, but recognition is the first step and then finding time to relax is the next key.

This goes for all couple that are trying to conceive, the more you stress about not being able to get pregnant, the harder it may be to achieve the goal of pregnancy. It is a bit of a double edge sword but by limiting your stress will affect not just the baby making side but all aspects of your life.

Be Strong and of a Good Courage

To all those who read this blog, this message I think can help us in times where we feel like we have lost all control or that we have hit the end of the road.

“The 2010 Mutual theme is the third instance of the Lord's call to Joshua to 'be strong and of a good courage' (Joshua 1:9). That same call to courage is yours. And the same promises are yours as well. With the Savior's help, you too will succeed in your callings and in your life. " (Young Men General Presidency, "Facing Challenges with Courage," New Era, Jan. 2010, 7 )

We are stronger then we think but sometimes we have to just remind ourselves of that.

A womans natural desire

They say that secondary infertility can be just a lonely of a road or even more lonely then primary infertility. This is because those who cannot get pregnant again, have a child in their home to love and care for where those with primary infertility could only hope for that child.

Whether we have primary or secondary infertility the goal is still the same… we want to add a child to our family. When a couple has the desire to add another child, when aunt flow comes, it is devastating no matter what stage of infertility you are in.

We as women have an inner desire to be mothers, to care for our children and to yearn/love those children that are not in our families yet. It doesn’t matter if that woman has no children or 15 children, if there is that desire to have another baby, the pain is the same.

Secondary infertility is not uncommon

There are many similarities for those who are facing secondary infertility as to those facing primary infertility. Those facing secondary infertility will go through the same testing and blood work, they emotions and the same treatment. The biggest difference lies in the fact that they know they can get pregnant and carry the child to term.

An interesting report that I found stated “…past fertility does not equal future success. Some doctors believe that secondary infertility… is increasing and affects as many as one couple in five.” (http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/body_and_soul/article3171485.ece) (If you are looking for a good article about secondary infertility this one is pretty bomb!)

There are many things that can contribute to this infertility where it may not have contributed before. During pregnancy the woman goes through several hormonal changes, these changes may have caused an imbalance after birth. Age is a factor and the fact that the man’s sperm may not be a good as it was when trying for the first one or two children. Stress is a big factor that plays into this as well. When trying to conceive the first child, there wasn’t the added stress of raising a child.

There are many reasons for women to experience secondary infertility but one thing to remember, you are not alone. Although our situations may be different we still share many commonalities.

Secondary infertility defined

Secondary infertility can be defined simply as the inability to conceive a child after conceiving and giving birth. This happens when a couple may have one or two children already but are un able to continue to conceive.

Here is a more scientific definition of it:

“There are two basic categories of infertility – primary and secondary infertility. Primary infertility is defined as the inability to achieve a pregnancy or carry it to term successfully. This infertility definition refers to women who have never conceived or carried a child to term. Secondary infertility is diagnosed when a woman has previously carried at least one child to term. It is defined by a current loss of the ability to do so again, or a decrease in the body’s ability to manage difficulties previously overcome.”

(http://femaleinfertility.miracle-pregnancy.com/25/an-infertility-definition-to-explain-primary-and-secondary-infertility/)

Secondary Infertility

This is something that isn’t really thought about but is truly a form of infertility that affects many women. I would like to dedicate this week to discussing all about secondary infertility.

I would also like to start the week off with a quote:

Don't let anyone steal [or dash] your dream. It's your dream, not theirs. ~Dan Zadra

Its all work

In a world where all you want to do is be a mother, one of the hardest things is get up in the morning and go to work. There may be days when dealing with infertility treatments are the only thing you can focus on, let alone work.

If I can give you any advice, hang in there! I know that it is easier said than done, especially when you get an annoying prying question about when you are going to have kids from a coworker. Sometimes we have to take it day by day and maybe even minuet by minuet. I will tell you this, because it is what I tell myself, the day will come where you will get to have the career of your choice; you will be a mother.

Scheduling infertility around work

When it comes to scheduling your doctor visits you may have the luxury of living close to your fertility specialist and you may never have scheduling issues. For my husband and I we had to balance to 45 min drive to the doctor, scheduling around work, scheduling around school, making multiple trips to the doctor, dealing with the doctors schedule as well and making sure that everything coordinated with that wonderful 24 hour window of ovulation in my crazy cycle.

Dealing with that many schedules can make hitting the right time very difficult. One of the things I realized is that there were certain things that I couldn’t control so I had to control the things I could. I usually had Fridays off and would try to schedule things around my work schedule. If that didn’t work I would talk to my boss about the fact that I had a doctor’s appointment that I would be going to on my lunch break and that I may be late coming back. I was fortunate to have a boss that was pretty flexible with that and would allow me to make up the time latter.

If push came to shove and it didn’t work out to take a longer lunch, I would use sick time or personal time for the appointments. This was a last resort as I didn’t have much.

The biggest thing when scheduling the appointments is to see what your options are and to understand that you can get what you need to get done without telling the whole world what you are doing.

Results Come from Doing

“When our wagon gets stuck in the mud, God is much more likely to assist the man who gets out to push than the man who merely raises his voice in prayer—no matter how eloquent the oration.”

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Two Principles for Any Economy,” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 56-57

Know your Benefits!

The key for today is to know your benefits! We have talked about insurance but we now need to talk about time off and sick time. You may need to use this time for your doctor’s appointments. Your task for today is to understand your company’s policy for paid time off. Knowing this will help you plan and be in control of your fertility and your work.

What and how much do I say?

Once you have your job, who do you tell that you are trying to conceive? Do you tell anyone at all? This is a bit of a touchy subject because only you know how comfortable you are with telling people that you are trying to have a baby.

Here are a couple of suggestions:

Get to know your coworkers before you tell them. See if they are family friendly or if they will look down at you for wanting to have children.

Tell those that you trust. Only letting a few know that you are trying to have a baby may allow you to discuss what is going on in your life without the fear of retribution.

Don’t tell anyone. This may be hard but if you are afraid that people may judge you or that it may jeopardize your advancement possibilities, it is best to keep it to yourself. You legally cannot be turned down for a promotion because you could possibly get pregnant but if your employer know about your situation, they may let that cloud there judgment.

Be vague when answering questions. This allows you to be in control of your information. Prepare for some of those questions so you know how you can comfortably answer them. Most of the time people are satisfied with a vague answer. If they keep pushing, try to change the focus to them versus you.

Let the world know everything. This option is not for faint of heart but if you feel that you are up to the challenge then let them know what is going on.

However you decide to handle your coworkers go forward with confidence because you are no less of a person because you have the righteous desire to be a parent. Parenting is noble and great!

During an interview

Let’s start from the very beginning: the interview! There are quite a few different things that a potential employer is not allowed to ask during an interview. One of those areas that is off limits is the subject that of marital and family status. This website tells a lot about what employers can’t ask and a way they may get that same information but asking in a legal way:

“2. What you can't ask: Do you have or plan to have children?

Clearly, the concern here is that family obligations will get in the way of work hours. Instead of asking about or making assumptions on family situations, get to the root of the issue by asking directly about the candidate's availability.

What to ask instead: Are you available to work overtime on occasion? Can you travel?

3. What you can't ask: Do you have kids?

This one is for positions in which the candidate may work with children. The added experience of children at home may be a bonus for you, but it's not an employer's place to ask about this. Rather, inquire about the candidate's experience, and they may volunteer this information to you anyway.

What to ask instead: What is your experience with "x" age group?

6. What you can't ask: If you get pregnant, will you continue to work, and will you come back after maternity leave?

Ultimately, you want to invest your time in a candidate that will stick around, but you can't ask a woman to share her pregnancy plans, or lack thereof, with you. Discuss her general plans for the future to gauge her commitment level, baby or not.

What to ask instead: What are your long-term career goals?”
(These and more can be found at http://www.focus.com/fyi/30-interview-questions-you-cant-ask-and-30-sneaky-legal-get/ )

The biggest thing when dealing with work is to protect yourself and your interests. You need to know your rights and know what to do if those rights are being infringed upon. The biggest thing is if you know what they are looking for you can find a way around it without giving information that may be discriminating. Be prepared and know your rights!

Work and fertility

This week want to discuss something that probably affects most of the women out there who are trying to conceive. Most of us are not sitting at home waiting for the day that we are to get pregnant but are instead in the workforce.

Working while trying to get pregnant can cause a myriad of questions, problems and situations and this week I would like to discuss those issues. Working when all you want to be is a mother is hard enough but to add in problems that may occur at work can make things even harder.

Freedom wrapup

This quote I think wraps this week up perfectly:

We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls.  ~Robert J. McCracken

I am very grateful for this wonderful country that we live in and for all the opportunities that we have!

Freedom of development

One of the things that I know I take for granted is the fact that we have so much technology and resources at our fingertips. We are so blessed to live in a country where ideas are not suppressed and that research and design is encouraged.

Thinking back even 30 years ago, there were no such things as Invito or insemination. Doctors had ideas about what to they could do for infertility but it was just in the starting stages. Now we have so many different procedures, tests, medicines, surgeries and other equipment available, that it makes having a baby a bigger possibility.

We have this option because those scientists were able to use their ingenuity to develop products that would help thousands of couples conceive the child they had been dreaming of. I am so very grateful for the technology that this country has developed because of this freedom.

The Freedom To...

I love this clip so I felt like I should share it with you and I feel that it is very fitting for this week. I would agree that in this country we are free from many things and we do have the freedom to do many things!

Forced Abortions

Tonight as I was researching for this post I came across something interesting, there were a few articles that were talking about using abortion as a form of birth control. To me I always view abortion as a way to end an unwanted pregnancy but not as a soul use of birth control. But it dawned on me (and you may find this naive of me) that some people and some countries don’t care if you get pregnant you can just control it by having an abortion to end it: in turn controlling the birth by ending the pregnancy.

Some countries require abortions; for example in China there are countless reports about how the government could require women who got pregnant with her second child to either terminate the pregnancy through abortion or cause the family to abandon the child at birth.

I can’t imagine the position that some of these families are put into when they are faced with an unplanned pregnancy: to not have the right to choose whether to keep a pregnancy and that child.

It makes me grateful that we live in a nation that give women the choice to choose and are not forced to end human life. It also makes me think about how many other options women have in this country other than abortion: birth control to begin with, raising as many children as they want, or placing the child for adoption, to name a few.

One Child per family

As many of you know, in China they have rules against the amount of children that you are allowed to have. For many years they have restricted couples to only allowing them to have one child.

“China's one child policy was established by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping in 1979 to limit communist China's population growth. Although designated a "temporary measure," it continues a quarter-century after its establishment. The policy limits couples to one child. Fines, pressures to abort a pregnancy, and even forced sterilization accompanied second or subsequent pregnancies.” (http://geography.about.com/od/populationgeography/a/onechild.htm)

I am very grateful that we are not limited, by law, as to how many children we may have and to not be threatened with heavy fines or the death of the child by such laws. We are very blessed to live in a country that allows us to conceive our children when, how, and as often as we please. I even though my body doesn’t allow this I am grateful that my government does.

Happy forth of July

We are free!

we can choose

We can be who we want to be

we can live up to our potential

Our rights are there for us to use

because we have the freedom to choose

I'm so ever grateful for our founding fathers and for all they went through so that we can have the freedom to live our lives as we direct them.

http://www.weneedavacation.com/Cape-Cod/Articles/Fourth-of-July-Celebrations-and-Parades/

Land of the Free

Last month we were talking about the different treatments, this week anyway, I would like to talk about our freedoms. It is amazing how much we take for granted in this life and in this country that we live in. We have been so blessed and I would like to dive into that and how our freedom affects our lives, our families, and how our children come into our lives.

Removal of polyps

Polyps are a funny thing because they can disappear as quickly as they appear. The polyp that I showed you a last week, when it came to the surgery, the polyp was no longer there. When they are in the uterus the surgeon said that sometimes they can be sloughed off with the normal flow of your cycle. 

For those that stick around this is how they take care of them: 

(this information was taken from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/uterine-polyps/DS00699/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs)

·         Watchful waiting. Small, asymptomatic polyps may resolve on their own. Treatment is unnecessary unless you're at risk of uterine cancer.

·         Medication. Certain hormonal medications, including progestins and gonadotropin-releasing hormone agonists, may shrink a uterine polyp and lessen symptoms. But taking such medications is usually a short-term solution at best — symptoms typically recur once you stop taking the medicine.

·         Curettage. Your doctor uses a long metal instrument with a loop on the end to scrape the inside walls of your uterus. This may be done to collect a specimen for laboratory testing or to remove a polyp. Your doctor may perform curettage with the assistance of a hysteroscope, which allows your doctor to view the inside of your uterus before and after the procedure. When performed on its own without the aid of a hysteroscope, the procedure is known as blind curettage.

·         Surgical removal. If you undergo hysteroscopy, instruments inserted through the hysteroscope — the device your doctor uses to see inside your uterus — make it possible to remove polyps once they're identified. The removed polyp may be sent to a laboratory for microscopic examination.

Laparoscopic and endometriosis

Endometriosis is something that can’t always be seen with the naked eye. During the surgery the surgeon may take a biopsy and have it sent to a lab if they suspect you may have endometriosis.

“If endometriosis or scar tissue needs to be removed, your surgeon will use one of various techniques, including cutting and removing tissue (excision) or destroying it with a laser beam or electric current (electrocautery).” (http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/laparoscopic-surgery-for-endometriosis)

Here is a picture of what endometriosis looks like during the surgery:

 

http://nileherb.blogspot.com/2009/09/endometriosis-mysterious-disease-of.html